Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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