I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
