I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I will be naked everywhere
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
