so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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