Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
