the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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