I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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