you would pick up someone in the library
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
