I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
