The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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