Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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