tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My balls are so social today.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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