Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
