One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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