38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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