saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
