I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
