3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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