If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
