i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
