we're chasing vodka with high fives
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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