So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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