a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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