My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
