glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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