Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
