I think scott just propositioned me for sex
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
