Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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