I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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