tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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