She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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