Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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