he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
