He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
