I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
