Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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