grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Houston, we have a blender
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
