there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
