someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
