Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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