I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
