sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
