He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
