I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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