The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
