Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
