I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
