I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
