I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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