Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
