Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
