I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
