I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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