I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
