yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
