he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
